Thursday, May 8, 2008

The McFlurry Incident, Part Trios

Dinner at the Mexican place, Saturday night. All I have to say about this is that the place had great food, which was odd because the building had a gaudy amount of neon signs. But it did meet all the requirements of a Mexican restaurant and passed all the levels of defense against crappy Mexican (I'm alluding here but you'll have to read the next post to understand, mu-hahahahah).

Iowa City, Old Capital Criterium April 27

This would be the main event of the weekend. $2500. Fast and furious. I admit, I spent the first 4 laps or so remembering how to turn a corner fast. Bill was on fire. Racing how you race a criterium by covering moves and not drifting too far back. But the attacks keep coming. We try to cover everything, and go for some primes.

Speaking of primes. Why would you offer a prime of a gift certificate that expires that day, to a store that closed before the race ended? How does that work?

Moving along with the race.....

The race can be broken down into a few defining moments.
#1. I had to relearn how to go around corners fast. That took 3-4 laps. Got it.
#2. Primes. I already ranted a bit earlier. But is what makes it even better is this: At the P,1,2 level the riders will listen to the announcer and learn what the prime is, then decide if it's worth sprinting for. The basic rules: >$20= usually, >$50= yup, merchandise= depends on what it is, schwag= usually no- there's a reason it's not called "product," gift certificates= Never- when are we going to go shopping in the town?
#3. The moves. Again, Bill was on fire. He covered more than his fair share of moves. The nuances of criteriums are countless, but it's important to stay, "in play." Bill nearly always does that. The rest of us didn't and the result...
#4. The move. Two guys away, Dierking rides up to them and like a flash, they were gone. Now we're racing for 4th.
#5. Last Lap. Two guys drifted off the front and nearly caught them. But alas. It didn't happen. Shadd placed 7th, everyone got in the paying places and I scored a 16th despite throwing my chain off through the last corner.

Not the best, but not the worst either.

Finally. Drumroll please...

The McFlurry Incident

I should start this at the beginning. First. We finished the Old Capital City Criterium and tried to use our expiring that day gift certificates. The outdoor store, closed. But the restaurant was open so we ate some food. Not really the best food, but we had to use the gift certificate right?

On the way home we made a decision that we would stop and eat ice cream at the first DQ we came across. Sounds simple right? NO!!! Traveler beware. If you are traveling from Iowa City to Kansas City, there is not one single Dairy Queen "just off" the highway until you get to mile marker 92 in Missouri. Not a single one. I know, I know you don't believe me do you? Well....... Click HERE!

So, there we were..... it was getting late and STILL no DQ to be found. Gawd! What to do? Okay, McDonald's. Crap. It's not the same, but we can get a McFlurry or something right?

Well, it's not so easy.....

Shadd and Joe walk up to the McDonalds counter and order a McFlurry. Now the picture is important so use the link. Got it?

Mind you, Shadd is about ready to eat a baby and Joe is craving ice cream.

Joe: I'd like a regular McFlurry.
McD manager: We don't have those.
Shadd: ExCUSE me? What do you mean you don't have those?

At the time, there were about 3 employees making McFlurrys behind the nerdy McD's manager, and they were ALL making McFlurrys!

McD: Yes, sir. We do not have the ability to make McFlurys today.
Shadd: What the hell are those guys making behind you?!
McD: Sir, those are not McFlurys.
Shadd: What the hell are you..
Joe: I would like to order a regular sized chocolate McFlury.
McD: yes sir, coming right up.
Shadd: I would also like a large, chocolate McFlury.
McD: Yes sir, coming right up!

The guy makes a Chocolate McFlury for Joe and Shadd. The only thing is that I'm not so sure he ever realized you could make a McFlury with chocolate. His one track mind was stuck on vanilla ice cream.

Then Bill and I walk up to the counter. Shadd's got this cheesy grin on his face as he says, "you guys are in for a treat." Bill and I think Shadd's out of his mind.

Anyways, Shadd goes to Men's room, Joe stays to watch the comedy and Bill orders. Mind you, Bill and I are completely unaware of what transpired just a few moments before.

Bill: I'd like a Chocolate McFlury. (Bill blindly ordered the proper way for this joker to underdstand).
McD: Yes sir. I'll get right away.

Joe is bummed. Not what he expected.

Adam: I'll have a regular McFlury.
McD: Sir, we don't have those today.

WHAT THE FUCK!? I have three team mates with McFlurys in their hands and this yahoo tells me that I can't have one. I don't understand. Joe leaves. He's laughing so hard, he can't fake it anymore. He runs into the Men's room and tells Shadd. I can sort of hear laughing from the bathroom. Turns out Shadd is laughing so hard he's pissing all over the walls.

Adam: I'll have a chocolate McFlury.

So there you have it. Proabably the most asinine McDonalds episode I've ever been part of.